Thoughts from Susan Gardener

If I had any doubt...a Valentine event shed some light

2011-02-08T23:06:00.000-08:00

Exercise Peace summer camp is only 133 days away, and I wanted to invite the campers from last year to come and participate in a Valentine event at the church where camp is held. So last week, in preparation for the party, I made phone calls...55 to be exact. I was actually able to connect with 35 people, and left messages for the remaining 20. I was excited that everyone I spoke with was happy to hear from me, and glad that there was a winter activity to get their kids out of the house on a Saturday in this icy month of February.

Saturday came and my co-director and principle cohort in life was sick. Luckily, my middle daughter was able to come after work and help, as well as two parishioners from the church. About twenty children showed up and a dozen parents stayed to enjoy the fun! I also had 4 kids who came as guests to check things out in the hope of finding a suitable camp for this year.

Three stations were set up; one for card making, one for cookie decorating, and one for games. The boys, and there were 6 of them, weren't so interested in making valentine cards. They may have each made one for their moms, but after decorating cookies, they were ready for some action games. Needless to say, there's been little outside sport this winter on slushy fields and walkways, and a church space isn't the best place for high energy play! Games were limited to relays with different variations, and keeping balloons in the air and away from one another.

I spent a lot of my time talking one-on-one with kids and parents alike, so as the event was winding down, and I was in a conversation with a parent, I heard the volume of noise go up considerably. I turned and the room had all but cleared, and many of the kids had gone across the hall to an adjacent room. Just as I looked over, one boy was beginning to close the door. I arrived just as the door clicked shut. I opened it slowly to see about ten or twelve kids standing 'frozen', all holding their balloons by the nub. I immediately knew that a game of let's smack each other over the head was about to occur. In a slow, low voice, I said, "No smacking each other over the head with the balloons", to which I was met with a collective, "Arrgghh!" I calmly asked them what happens when a game like this is played? Responses included, "We have fun", "It's awesome", and the like. I suggested that while the game may appear fun to some, others end up unhappy or angry, because it's only fun if you are the bigger one, the faster one, or the stronger one. Games like this are so common when children are unsupervised, and it's easy to see how some can make just about any object a weapon in short order.

I offered them the use of this extra room to come up with another game that was less violent and involved everyone's cooperation. Then I left them. Just for five minutes, but I left. When I came back in, my heart filled up. They were all still holding their balloons, but this time, they were playing a game with two wheeled chairs from the corner. Two kids were in each chair; a referee at each end, and the chair 'pushers' were guiding them across the room in a race. I watched for a few minutes without speaking, and then told them what a fantastic job they had done creating this game! I suggested that they might make it more interesting by creating an obstacle course with some other things in the room. That made for an even better time! The chair racing contests went on until parents arrived for pick up. Everyone left the event smiling.

The insight for me on Saturday, was that there were not only seeds planted last summer, but a respect and trust that these children and their parents have for/in me. I walked into this job in 2010 at the eleventh hour, and flew by the seat of my pants most of the time. Well into the third week of camp, I was still unsure whether or not I would be able to make any inroads at all. I got a very clear answer a few days ago. These kids are hungry for acceptance, validation and love. Aren't we all? Respect travels in two directions, and it's not hard to receive it if you're giving it away.

I was a bit sad at the end of the day that I probably won't see the majority of the kids again until camp begins mid-June...but I'll be ready. Ready to teach and be taught, love and be loved, and give and receive as much as I am able. There is plenty of scheduling and planning that will take place between now and then, but I will be sure to leave some extra space for those moments of sweet understanding...when my expectations fall short of the possible, and the kids surprise me with their amazing selves! Summer 2011 is going to be so delicious!

What do you want more of? Whatever it is, give it away.

2010-10-07T20:44:00.000-07:00

I've been away for more than a week and was in need of a shopping trip for some kitchen staples. I set aside this afternoon to do just that. Along with my groceries, I picked up a plant for a friend having surgery today, as well as 6 red roses with alstroemeria and some greens for myself. Sometimes, it's just nice to buy yourself some roses!

When I got in line to pay, I noticed a young mother and her son. The boy was only 5 or 6 years old, and was helping his mom bag the food and asking questions about the rest of the day. I remembered him earlier in one of the aisles, asking for things that his mom said they couldn't get. He had lots of energy, and she was talking to him in a calm tone while continuing to handle the task at hand. She seemed busy and on a tight schedule.

I finished paying and went out to my car to put my bags in and get home. The mother and son were next to me in the lot. An older woman was behind the wheel, perhaps the mom's mother, and was waiting for them to load the car. The boy took the cart back and they readied to leave the parking lot. In that moment, I took my roses around to the passenger side of their car. I handed them in the window and said, "It looks like you work hard...I'd love for you to have these flowers." At least I think that's what I said. It all happened quickly, as divinely as it was supposed to, I guess. The mom said "Thank you", and I went back to finish packing my car. I put a bag in and turned to get another, and there stood the mom at my cart with her arms open wide! She said, "I'd like to give you a hug...you just made my day!" I obliged and gave her a big heartfelt hug. Then she said that she'd also like to help me load my car. When I pulled out of the parking lot, I felt wonderful! More wonderful than those roses could have made me feel had I kept them. Driving home, I realized that the whole exchange had made my day, too!

What is it that you want more of in your life? Kindness? Peace? Fun? Whatever you want; give it away. Really. Give it. Don't over analyze or plan; just give it away. When you let it go with no strings attached, it leaves on a boomerang path sure to find you sooner than later! Don't fret if it doesn't come from the same person you gave it to, either. Things don't always manifest like that, but they do manifest with YOU in mind. It's so simple!

What will you give away today? Tomorrow? Next week? It's all yours for the giving. Happy giving!

The Amazing Grace Race Summer Camp

2010-07-03T07:06:00.000-07:00

   Miguel de Cervantes, one of Spain's great literary figures of the 16th century, said "There are only two families in the world, the Haves and Have-Nots." Although I was raised in a lower class family, on the cusp of a 'Have' family, as an adult I would say that my social circle is more like the Haves and the Have-Mores. My friends may not be financially wealthy, and, everyone is comfortable. I turned on The Today Show this morning to a segment on 'Gadgets and gear needed for a camping trip'. WOW! After being at summer camp for only a week, I simply could not wrap my brain around all the shiny and possibly unnecessary things to take away on a camping trip.

   I am directing a summer camp in Baltimore City. I haven't ever done this before. My world is changing daily and will be forever changed by the end of six weeks. For the most part, I would say that my camp could be defined as the Have-Nots and the Have-Littles. These kids come from so many places and spaces. A few have families intact. Some are foster children, some are being raised by distant relatives, a couple have homeless parents. There are some whose family can afford the sixty dollars each week, and others who wouldn't be there if they had to pay. It is a different world than the one I have inhabited for all these years, and requires sharpening my senses of sight and sound as I traverse these days. There is so much I desire to impart, and I must be mindful in my steps.

   This first week has been hectic, moving through scheduling, placing and re-placing kids into appropriate groups, and getting counselors on the 'enthusiastic train!' It has been a week of missing government lunches, changing numbers for those lunches as children enrolled beyond the eleventh hour. There has been a ton or two of paperwork. It's been challenging to learn names that I am not familiar with, and more challenging to stop and focus on anything when time is ticking and the kids are awaiting their next adventure.

   There is a Lot of yelling. There is a certain way that is accepted, almost expected...when you get out of hand, someone yells at you...or worse. It is the way. It is their home. Most of them live there, and I do not. It is NOT my way. In fact, it is so far from my way that I need to think fast, re-group and act with kindness. Some headway was made this week on this issue, and, there is work to be done. There is as much work to be done with some of the counselors as there is with the campers. Many of them know one another from last year and an unhealthy pattern has been established.

   Stay tuned. This was only the first five days of thirty, and we all know how habits can change over that period of time. Week one was building trust. I cannot make changes, even subtle ones unless I have their trust. When any of the kids were sent to me for bad behavior, there was no yelling. There was simply, "So, what's your story?" There was lots of listening, lots of eye-to-eye, and lots of praise for honesty. One little boy in a group of five who had been put in 'time out', stepped up at the end of everyone's story and said, "I started it." What more could I possibly ask for than that? The offense had already occurred, each child had his or her turn to tell their side, and the perpetrator confessed. Now that is a good thing. I'm looking forward to more of these good things, more teachable moments, and, of course, more big fun at summer camp!

Home Schooling has been an amazing journey!

2010-05-23T05:16:00.000-07:00

   When I awoke this morning, I immediately thought about many of the recent posts from friends on Facebook. Not so hard to imagine, I suppose. It's the time of year for graduations, proms, awards banquets, and many other celebratory events for young folks. So many of those kids I have had the privilege of knowing through home schooling.

   I am rapidly coming to the end of my home schooling days, with my youngest of three daughters a senior next year. We have had so much fun traveling, caving, sailing, puppet-making.... What I am thinking about right now, though, are all the other children I have gotten to know and care about over these last two decades, and more importantly, how I love watching what they're all about in 2010.

   These kids are growing/grown up. Some of their younger siblings may just be entering high school, but most are graduating high school, entering or graduating college. They are striving to be teachers, architects, artists, engineers, police officers, designers... They are all fabulous! As kids, they danced, ice skated, roller-bladed, skate-boarded, yo-yoed, painted, animed, photographed, hiked, tie-dyed, played instruments, baked, cooked, played every sport, acted, wrote, field-tripped out the whazoo, and so much more! These students got to follow their dreams nearly everyday! More than one followed a boy band, whether in the literal sense, or in their heart. Many made sports happen, even though they didn't go to a public or private school. They made music with whoever and whatever was available.

   Today, these young adults are everywhere! One is in Malaysia for a month between college years, and one is riding across America on a bicycle! They now get to put their dreams into practice by teaching dance and yoga classes, instead of taking those classes. They are taking the technology world by storm, being the creators of fabulous video and graphic design. Suffice it to say that most are more technologically savvy than we oldsters could ever hope to be! Some are graduating college and moving out of the sandbox into adulthood. A few are in their twenties and are married or getting married, soaring into new heights with successful companies and partners. It takes my breath away learning about so many of their aspirations.

   On Facebook, I see pictures of many in their prom attire, caps and gowns, engagement and wedding photos. They are handsome and lovely, with beaming faces of pride and accomplishment. I am proud of them all, and proud to say that I was part of their village.

   I can also say that over all these years, I've had one of the best group of mothers that anyone could ever imagine! Now that we're grown-up, too, many of us find ourselves on a similar path, discovering who we are through our connections with other like-minded souls. Most are on a spiritual path, living lives of service, and I enjoy each and every moment that we are able to spend together. Our kids are not the common thread that once brought us together, for now it's the commonality of life. The meeting of like minds sharing and caring. The networking that has gone on and continues to go on, is inspiring. We find ourselves inter-connected, with common projects and interests, helping each other and our communities succeed. We are the keepers of the joys and sorrows that we have all weathered. We are one.

   So I begin this misty Sunday with misty eyes. Eyes filled with joy and delight at our collective families; all that has come into fruition and all that awaits...it may have been and continue to be a bumpy ride at times, but Oh, what a ride!!!

Living, Loving, Laughing and Learning Together for Nearly Twenty-One Years

2010-03-10T17:01:00.000-08:00

   Living, Loving, Laughing and Learning: the four L's, and perhaps one of the keys to a successful union. I have been doing and having that for almost twenty-one years now with the same person. We have referred to our union as a partnership. We have called it a partnership for several reasons.  A successful union is a partnership.  We have been partners in co-parenting our three children, as well as partners in the creation of our home space, both inside and out.

   Along with the four L's, come the C's: Connecting, Communicating, Cooperating, and Creating. A smooth and prosperous partnership won't survive without these. My partner, Rose, and I have practiced the L's and C's, sometimes with great grace and success; other times, not so much. It is in those times that we take a breather, re-group, and figure out what the next adventure is for us. Looking in the mirror has always proven to be a good starting point.

   Life is complex, and it's nice to have a person of significance to share it with. In the movie Shall We Dance, Susan Sarandon's character tells a private investigator that the reason people get married is to have a witness; a witness to validate their life. I have had the privilege of a witness for all these years, and now, I have it legally.

   You read that right. Rose and I exchanged our vows this afternoon! The District of Columbia passed a same sex marriage law last week.  We didn't go to DC on the first day that licenses could be applied for. We didn't want to be part of all the hubbub and publicity, positive or negative. We chose to do it quickly, though; just the two of us and a close friend to be our witness and take some pictures. We will have a ceremony and celebration for family and friends sometime in the spring.

   We had to marry inside the District, so we chose the National Arboretum as our backdrop. We met at Cylburn Arboretum in Baltimore 21 years ago, so it seemed fitting to choose an arboretum for this journey, too. The day was lovely. We had to have a marriage celebrant with DC privileges. The reverend I picked was one of a hundred I looked at online, and proved to be a divine match for us. I just happened to look her up on Facebook last night, and noticed that we had one mutual friend. That friend is someone I've known for almost twenty years and is now one of the reverend's best friends! The rev called her immediately and we soon heard shouts of joy coming from the speaker phone! After the ceremony, which took place under a circular wall and blossoming cherry tree, the gardener working out front congratulated us. Turns out that she not only lives in Baltimore, but within a quarter mile of our home! The few people who gathered in curiousity had only the best wishes for us on their faces. The synchronicity of how this all transpired in a very short amount of time, comes from the breath of inspiration that we all know exists...we need only trust that all will be provided at the perfect moment.

   We lunched afterward at a bustling restaurant, and returned home to finish some yardwork before the rains come tomorrow. The labyrinth has been cleaned of last season's debris and is ready to be planted in due time with new growth to be admired all summer. I went back to my chauffering duties with kids needing rides; Rose left for her evening shift at Hopkins. This day will end in similar fashion to most other days; conversations with daughters, computer time, reading, writing and other daily activities. The difference on this day, is that love was recognized in a way it hasn't been for us before, and we will rest in deep gratitude this night. My hope is that when it come time to make a commitment, that everyone, everywhere, be able to feel the joy that I do tonight.

SNOW

2010-02-09T05:39:00.000-08:00

   SNOW! Not just * snow, but SNOW! Here in Baltimore, we get maybe one or two * decent snowfalls a season. By decent, I mean three to six inches * of the white stuff. These amounts still seem to keep the schools closed and the local channels 'set' on their commentary all day.          *
        *
   Not this winter. Winter * began before the actual date of Winter: big snowfall around * December 18 before the solstice arrived. Then some snow in January, with reasonable measurements. Now, * it's February and we are getting pelted! Previous record snowfall * total for Baltimore is 62.5 inches, and we are going to make toast of that number in * less than 24 hours! Over two feet of snow fell over this * past weekend, and we are set to be the recipients of another 12-20 inches tomorrow!

   Don't get me * wrong. It's beautiful from the warmth of the inside. Get outside and * start shoveling; well, that's another story entirely. It's icy and heavy on the shovel! Even if I * had a snowblower, the snow is too heavy this time. There are * not many places to put it either. The experts on TV tell you not to put it in * the street * in order to allow the plows to do their job. It cannot go into the bay or other waterways, as it is treated and would be a pollutant. As if 2 feet weren't * enough, piles on * lawns are 4 or 5 feet because that's where it has to go when it's taken off the sidewalks and driveways.

   My two teenaged daughters * had their boyfriends staying here all weekend, and I was grateful for the help. While I kept them fed and watered, they shoveled snow off the deck and driveways together. * It was nice seeing the four of them outside, both working and playing. The boys left yesterday, so this next round will have to be a 'Girls Only' affair!

   Snow * is a blessings from above. It's white and pure. The city has been so quiet, * especially at night. My busy street was walkable...right down the middle! The * dogs were perplexed as to why they were being let out the front door without a lead!

   It was awesome to sit inside by the fire and watch the flakes drifting down and laying so * softly. I am blessed to have another * chance to do the same thing tomorrow; this time with Rose home and my girls here. We will make soup, play some games, listen to music, and relish nature's bounty. *

   I know that it's a lot of snow. * I know that eventually it will be a mess to clean up. I know that businesses have suffered and for many, they are missing classes and * work. Still, it is a miracle. It cleanses and refreshes * when it's falling...and the 'sounds of silence' are priceless!

   ENJ*Y

Loving the Labyrinth

2010-01-10T21:33:00.000-08:00

   I have a labyrinth in my front yard.  I live in the city, so it takes up one whole side of the property. It was a two year project. I felt guided to begin it in 2007 after attending a peace retreat. At the time I didn't know why, just that I have always been attracted to the ancient symbolism and simplicity. Many can get a labyrinth confused with a maze.  A maze is typically something to be figured out, methodically or haphazardly, choosing this path or that. A labyrinth has only one way in to a center, with the same reverse way out. It can be a variety of shapes, some geometric, others free-form. Walking the labyrinth can be a tool for meditation and prayer. It is a journey into one's self; walking to the center seeking, then coming back out into the world with perhaps a clearer understanding of one's life path.

   After my partner and I worked on the peace gardens and pond as a backdrop, we finally opened the labyrinth for walking on Mother's Day, 2009. We had a party and many walked the circuitous path during that day. In the weeks to come, neighbors who had been waiting for it's completion came to walk. People that we didn't know came to walk, many early on Sunday morning, giving us the idea that this was their spiritual contribution or 'church' for the week ahead. The plants were just beginning their seasonal process.

   Over the summer, as the low-lying herbs and flowers began to blossom and bloom, others came to admire the beauty. People on daily walks would stop and comment on what a nice addition to the neighborhood the labyrinth and gardens were. One woman who walked a little girl in a stroller several times a week, would stop each trip, pointing out all the fairies, toads and other baubles hidden here and there in the gardens. We felt proud to be of service to so many.

   One day in particular, two young boys were passing by. One was on a bike, and the other walking. I didn't recognize either boy, but they stopped to take a look. We have a welcome sign at the entrance, and the boy with the bike said, "Well, it says WELCOME." The other boy, the one on foot, began to walk into the center as the first boy watched. He walked all the way in, AND, all the way out! When he finished, the boy with the bike said, "I like it!" I was on my porch out of sight, and my heart was singing. I knew that many adults liked the labyrinth, but to have it beckon two pre-teens, and boys no less, just made my day!

   As autumn approached and we were innundated with rain, the front yard seemed under utilized. I didn't notice a lot of activity focused on the labyrinth. Plants began to whisper the last signs of life until spring.

   Winter came early here in Maryland, with frigid temperatures and the snowiest December in many years. I now get to see how things look covered in white. The holidays have come and gone, and it's now a new year. There was a light dusting of snow a few days ago. When I looked out that morning at the glistening beauty of the snow covered trees, I noticed soft footprints on the labyrinth path. Someone had been out very early...walking. Soft steps chosen with care. While I hadn't thought about doing that myself; what better time then in the quiet stillness of a snowy dawn? I will choose to do this at the very next opportunity, and then I will have walked in every season.

   I have come to know why having this sacred space is so important to me. All three maternal generations of women in my family died in my house. My mother just last year. The front of my house is a tribute to them, and to all the women and men that we hold dear. The waterfall the eternal flow, life's essence. The perennial growth, the cycle of birth and death that will come to pass for each of us. The labyrinth is the journey, full of promise, hopes and dreams fulfilled. The first harbingers of spring will be here soon, a full year the labyrinth has graced us.

   If you get a chance to walk a labyrinth, DO, and enjoy the journey!

Service is the greatest gift!

2010-01-04T20:52:00.000-08:00

I enjoyed an excellent birthday today!

My birthday is so close to the Christmas season, and as a child I received many holiday gifts that I was told were "for Christmas AND your birthday!" Now that I'm older, I feel that I barely get to relish my December haul, and I'm being bombarded with more booty. I have come to savor the simple gifts, especially the gift of service.

The day began with breakfast at 'Peace and a Cup of Joe' in downtown Baltimore with a friend of many years, Andrea. Over the years, Andrea and I have shared so much together; Girl Scout leadership, Destination Imagination coaching, nature programs, field trips and travels, and family gatherings both happy and sad. We have seen one another through marriage, birth, death and more. Our journey has been long and loving. Andrea will be leaving this area soon to places yet to be determined, so having an uninterrupted morning with her was a gift.

I returned home to find my partner, Rose, and my three daughters working diligently to clean out a much needed basement space. The task was dirty and grungy, and accomplished with love for me on my special day. This is a project that I have been wanting to get to, and they graciously obliged. Another gift.

The afternoon was spent wandering around IKEA with two of my children, scouting out possibilities for the new clean space...no purchases, just ideas for the moment. We returned home to re-group and go to dinner with our neighbors and friends, the Lundahls. There was much conversation, laughter and good cheer in our time together tonight. Kelly Lundahl, an artist, painted a most wonderful wall storage unit for me. It is splendid and functional!

I received many happy wishes on facebook, cards both electronically and snail mail. Upon checking my e-mail tonight, I had a message from an old friend who I don't hear from often, yet always on my birthday. After receiving a message from her, I felt that my birth-day was complete.

All of these gifts today came from the heart. Gifts of service: time consciously spent; cleaning, talking, listening, e-mailing, writing, painting, all with the intention of caring for a person they love. I am the grateful recipient of that love, today and every day. I drink in these gifts. I am a content, blessed woman tonight.

Wishing everyone as fabulous a birthday in 2010!

Putting Yourself First

2009-03-05T03:46:00.000-08:00

One morning when I opened my e-mail, I had received a daily message from 'Notes from the Universe':

Simply imagine happiness, your own happiness. Feel the smile stretching across your face, notice the lightness in your step, hear the sparkle in your voice, and all things, material and spiritual, will dance to the beat of your drums.

The message made me tingle a little as it involved so many of my senses; feeling, imagining, hearing, noticing, not to mention the smile on my face reading stretching, dancing, and sparkling!

I don't believe that being happy really requires too much, and, we need to put ourselves first. Putting oneself first as they say on airline flights, "In case of an emergency, please put on your own oxygen mask before tending to anyone else!" I admit that some days it is easier to put myself first than on others.

Being a parent alone can make it difficult to put oneself first. Of course, children come first in their essential needs, and, beyond that, remember to love yourself enough to meet your own needs. I think that we all need some quiet time. It is often when we take time to just be, that we allow an energetic flow to kick in, guiding us to the images and ideas that can create a state of 'happy'.

Balance is important. Days and nights can get so hectic, and exhaustion can set in without us even having an inkling. Take time to discover yourself. Who are you now? What do you want? A friend in my spiritual book group recently suggested to pay attention to our likes and dislikes. On an ordinary day, just take a quick mental note of places, things, food and such. Did you like it/them? What would you do again? What could you live without? I agree that this is a good exercise. Without having anyone judging you, or, judging yourself, just allow your inner voice to decipher what you really want for you. You may find yourself one step closer to putting yourself first, and meeting happiness whenever it is your desire.

Happiness comes from within. We can embrace it anytime, anywhere, and it may surprise us in packages of every shape and size. We must be rested and ready to enjoy it!

Stopping Time

2009-02-27T03:48:00.000-08:00

Doesn't everyone have those moments in time that they would love to freeze and remember forever? The memory part is doable; the freezing part, not so much.

Most of us have a hard time living in the present. It's so easy to go over the past, both faraway and recent, perhaps trying to re-live in our head what we did right or wrong. Remembering can be sweet, and, we cannot fix what has already happened. History cannot be changed. Or, we cogitate on our future, what we're going to do, or at least what we'd like to have happen. The reality is that we only have this moment to have, do and be. Why does is seem so hard to live in the moment?

I think that we're conditioned to have expectations. From the time we can remember, our parents had certain expectations of us, behaviors that were appropriate. At school, teachers and then professors had their own set of lessons to obey. In the working world, there are rules to be followed. All of these life passages are ways in which we learn what's acceptable. It can also add up to us censoring so much of what we do, rather than just living.

Taking mental notes on our lives is important. Having a clear recollection of our experiences, good or bad, can help us to create more of what was successful and steer away from those things that were painful and need not be repeated. I always hope that my children file those experiences away as 'been there, done that', and embrace the learning. After a while, we have a more automatic sense of situations, so that we can enjoy the moment and not have to think so much.

I am trying very hard not to over schedule myself, not to commit to things that I really would rather not do. It's so much nicer to do things that I enjoy, things that support my growth, activities that teach me something new. When I spend my time in harmony with people and nature, I have much more opportunity to be present.

There is no stopping time. I realize that today is all that I have now. I am making a conscious effort to live each moment to the fullest. We'll see how it goes, and it will 'go'.

Giving and Receiving

2009-02-24T20:14:00.000-08:00

The giving and receiving cycle is truly amazing. Whatever we give, we receive.

This evening I spent time cooking and serving at a shelter in Baltimore City. My morning began with a friend and I shopping for the food. After finishing with that task, I went to my Tuesday morning spiritual book group, which feels like the giving/receiving cycle as we talk, share, and listen to one another. In the afternoon, I picked up two of my daughters and a couple of friends and we headed downtown to Heart's Place shelter to prepare their evening meal.

We put the meal together in the church kitchen beginning at about 4 o'clock. At 6 o'clock, some of the men came in to carry the heavy trays of food to the dining area. We first serve everyone there and then we make our own plates and sit with everyone. It is such an enriching experience. One of my daughters had been there before, and asked the following day how it was that people that seemed very well-spoken and nicely dressed, could end up homeless? The answers to that question are many. Too many, in fact, to name them all. Most of us could say, "There but for the grace of God go I". Under the right set of circumstances, any one of us could find ourselves in this kind of situation.

So, on this particular evening, my children and I sat down to partake of our efforts. We sat adjacent to a man that we met a couple of weeks ago when we were there last. We shared a hearty conversation with him last time and he remembered us. He was wearing a long-sleeved shirt with a t-shirt over it. The 'T' was black and had the picture of a Beatles ticket stub silk-screened on the front. My youngest daughter loves the Beatles and noticed the shirt. She paid the man a compliment. He told her that the shirt came from the Goodwill, and she loves to shop there and told him so. They went on to talk about the different thrift stores around town and where some of the best places are found. After finishing his meal, this gentleman left the table. He returned a few minutes later in just his long sleeved shirt. The t-shirt was in a bag for my daughter! Literally, the shirt off his back! We were touched by his generosity.

Giving has no color, religion or ethnic background. Some of us are much better givers than receivers, and, it is in the gratitude of receiving that we allow the 'giver' the opportunity to serve. This cycle is at the heart of the human experience. Sharing and caring boosts our self-esteem in a way that only matters of the heart can. It is from that heart center that we feel the peace of God.

Tonight, we left the shelter feeling full and grateful.

The giving and receiving cycle is truly amazing. Whatever we give, we receive.

What is it that you want more of? How often will you give it away?

You can begin right now.

Off with the veil!

2009-02-17T15:56:00.000-08:00

I am emerging from the darkness that has been surrounding me for quite some time. I feel as though this negative place has permeated my soul for about 9 months. Nine months, the gestation period for a new human to emerge, and the amount of time for my re-birth as well.

I love winter. After an autumn filled with a colorful landscape, warm drinks, and the spicy smell of pumpkin and apple dishes; I long to hunker down and cocoon in the shorter nights. I like the fireplace, falling snow, gatherings with friends at the holidays, and the optimism of a new year. When the holidays have passed, though, I feel that lingering pause until I spot the first harbinger of spring.

This has been a particularly cold, gray season. The lake near my house was more than half frozen, and for many weeks the birds sat on ice or snow. The cold didn't seem to bother them, and I would often drive there to watch them as it somehow eased my gloomy state of mind. It reminded me of how birds continue to sing and go about their business even in a light rain on a very cloudy day. There is still work to be done.

Today, I feel full. I left my weekly Tuesday morning book group at a local bookstore, feeling satiated and hopeful. I began this turn-around several weeks ago when I was able to finally let go of an ongoing family issue, and quickly discovered how many things in my life also began to take on a more positive twist. When contemplating just how the shift happened, I realized that it was listening to caring friends who were guiding me to allow something different to occur. Upon further examination, I also know that my intuitive self knew the answer all along, and, it took me wallowing almost to the brink of destruction to begin to see and pursue a better way. I am finding my way. Years ago, I had a waking dream during a meditation where I was flying above the clouds, unable to see anyone or anything in my world on earth. I could just about taste my distress. What had happened to all that was known to me? As I let myself relax and breathe into the meditative experience of flight, I began to notice the clouds slowly dispersing, opening a window into my earthly life. The more I surrendered to trust, the more focused the landscape became. Soon, all was familiar and I was able to fly in peace, letting go so that my soul could soar!

I am flying in peace now. I am grateful beyond measure to the women in my life. I am blessed to have so many fine friends. I am thankful for the darkness, as it balances the light. Without it, we cannot live our lives fully, embracing all of the precious opportunities waiting to enrich us and assist our growth.

So, I say to all of you, "Off with the veil!" Let your light shine! Blessed be!

All My Children

2009-02-14T15:44:00.000-08:00

It's Valentine's Day, and I am reminded how important it is to pay attention. We all have the need for love. We all have the need for respect and validation. I have the gift of a wonderful partner in life, who at this very moment is painting a room upstairs for me as a token of love and appreciation this heartfelt holiday. I am blessed to be in relationship with a person of substance, awareness and courage. My heart is alive.

I have three beautiful daughters who can make and sometimes 'break' my days. Today though, they are all thriving and that makes for one happy and content mother! The middle daughter worked this morning and as she doesn't yet drive, asked me to take her to the mall to buy something for her sweetheart. I drove her where she requested and then took her to her boyfriend's house. She was excited and looking forward to a surprise evening with her guy. As I dropped her off, she thanked me for everything. Everything! That can be a big 'thank you' to cherish.

My youngest daughter doesn't have a valentine, so she did her best to make the time leading up to this day fun. She spent last night with friends at a sleepover. They went to the movies, laughed, took photos, and generally had a great night. Before she went to sleep, she texted me to let me know what a good night she was having and let me know she loved me. This morning when she arrived home, she was inspired to make heart-shaped cupcakes and decorate them with fancy icing designs. She said that she was going to do things that she liked today. She is babysitting for a couple tonight, which is not really her heart's desire on this Valentine evening, and, she will make money. Teenagers like money!

So, as I'm driving home from taking the youngest to babysit, I receive a text from my oldest daughter. She lives on her own now and has a significant other. I bought her two tickets for today's matinee, to see the play 'Fabulation' at a local theater house. I had already been to see the play with my other children and some friends a few weeks ago, and was hoping that she would be able to use the tickets. I knew that she would enjoy this particular play. Well, she texted just as the play ended, and she wrote that she loved the woman who played the lead; that there was humor even in the bad situations, and the characters were able to turn things around. I was beaming that she sounded joyful and grateful for the opportunity to go.

I was ecstatic coming home. I knew that all of my babies were safe. I knew that they were all doing something planned, or, making the best of it. I knew that all of them were having a pretty fine Valentine's Day. I can now assist with the painting project, have a bite to eat, and relax. I am a very blessed mother tonight.

The Courage to BE a Parent

2009-02-14T15:37:00.000-08:00

When I was asked to write something about courage, I knew just what I was going to write about. 2008 was a sorrow-filled year for myself and my family, so I thought I would write about the courage needed to continue processing all that occured last year, as well as the courage needed to move forward into this new year of hope and possibility. At least that's what I thought.

As I tossed those thoughts around in my brain, they began to rumble. Soon the rumble began to get loud enough that I was pushed to look in a new direction. While there is courage needed in those above mentioned areas of my life, the courage that I am in need of this January, is the courage to let my children BE who they are. More easily said than done.

In relationship, there are lines that need not be crossed. It may be easier to cross a line with a stranger than an acquaintance. Perhaps a bit harder to cross a line with a friend, especially a good one. Harder still, can be the line with one's grown children. A child out on his or her own could decide that they want to cut you out of their lives altogether. The stakes are high.

So, how do I go about letting my child BE? Let them BE, when their BEing often seems to lead to poor choices? Yet, it's from one's own mistakes that the most definitive lessons are learned. It is after those mis-steps that opportunity calls. The opportunity for process...to figure out what worked and what needs improvement. The opportunity for expansion and growth. The opportunity to ask for guidance from those who love them. All parents want what's best for their children. As parents, we are hopefully wiser and do our best to steer our kids from harm when they are growing up. When they grow up, however, we must have the courage to allow them to find their own way...regardless of what we would like to see them do, or BE.

The dictionary would define courage as the ability to confront fear, pain, risk, uncertainty, or intimidation. I'm not sure that any of these definitions apply to my situation. I would think that I am in need of some moral courage, defined as acting rightly in the face of discouragement. In the 'Tao Te Ching', it is stated that courage is derived from love and explains that "One of courage, with audacity, will kill. One of courage, but gentle, spares life. From these two kinds of courage arise harm and benefit." I want to be a benefit to my children and do no harm. This moral courage is my opportunity to learn and grow. Our children are our best teachers.

So, I have decided to let my grown child BE. While I know that I am always here for her, it is something she will need to discover for herself. Each and every day, I send her love and light, and wish her peace on her life journey. I focus on the moment of today; holding the vision for our sweet reunion. In the meantime, say a prayer for all the parents going through something similar in their families.

I believe that parents everywhere, no matter what their physical location or station in life, can all use a friendly help-ing of courage.

Patience

2009-02-08T20:15:00.000-08:00

I am growing into patience. It's one of those attributes that I am learning very slowly, patiently.

I have moved in and out of patience during different periods in my life. My mother was not a very patient person when I was growing up, so I think that I learned to be patient to create a balance in our relationship. As a teenager, my patience waned as I 'surely' knew more than most people my age and older. When I moved into young adulthood, I discovered that I didn't really like to do anything that I couldn't do well. For instance, I would sign up for a pottery class, and then when I had a very hard time throwing clay on the wheel, I would drop out rather than continue to learn all that was available to me.

Now that I'm grown, it's time to embrace patience as a virtue that is all-knowing. Knowing when to act or speak, and when to quiet my mind. It's through my breathing, focusing and visioning that my ideas can gestate and mature. To move too quickly in thought often creates confusion for me rather than clarity. This is tested daily in my household, being the mother of teen girls. With several women in my home this is especially important as there can often be many conversations going on, sometimes all at one time! If I react or give charge to each little thing that comes from the lips of those chatting around me, I may end up wishing I could roll back time and begin anew.

I am learning to listen, wait, then possibly respond when it seems appropriate. I am also in a learning process of knowing when to just say nothing, or validate without giving opinion. This is truly challenging for me. I tend to think more quickly than the words can come out, and can trip myself up in an effort to express what I'm thinking. I am learning that being still can serve me, as well as others around me. This past week, I was asked for an opinion about a scheduling change about to occur. I needed to sit with the question for several days so that I was able to respond without letting my emotions take too much of a 'quick start', which then allowed my eventual response to be one of truth for me.

Being patient allows me to take the time to listen to my inner voice. As I breathe into the stillness, I can feel myself calming to center and I embrace a place of balance.